This may be an unpopular opinion with some people, but a book I hated was Twilight by Stephenie Meyer. My friend, Mary, was getting annoyed with co-workers who kept talking about the book and telling her she just had to read it. I wrote this synopsis for her so that she wouldn't have to suffer through all 400 pages like I did:
For the love of all that is good and holy stay away from Twilight!!! Everyone loves it?? Yes that is the one I said sucked. Here let me give you a synopsis so you can tell everyone you read it. Bella Swan (get it? beautiful swan?) moves in with her father and attends a new school. She is described as plain and no guy at her old school showed any interest in her. Here? At least 5 guys are in love with her. She notices Edward in the cafeteria and is instantly in love but he avoids her and at times is mean. One day while walking to school Bella is suddenly in danger. A truck has hit black ice and is heading right for her! How will she survive? What will happen?? Out of nowhere Edward pulls her aside and stops the truck with his hand. Of course he moves faster than a human and no one else saw him move so quickly, or noticed his hand imprinted on the side of the truck.
They are now inseparable and instantly in love (wtf??). Next Bella is in the city with some girlfriends but is separated. Some guys start to follow her and corner her in an alley. How is she going to get out of this? Oh wait, there's Edward. How did he know where she was. Uh, he saved her by telling her to get into his car. They go out for dinner. But won't her friends worry about her? They have no idea where she is. Some time later (a day? week? I don't know) Edward decides to take Bella into the woods to tell her the truth about himself. He is a vampire and skips school on sunny days because he and his family glow and glitter in the sun (I'm sorry wtf???) he shows her he can fly.
For the next 100 pages Bella thinks about how she loves Edward, can't live without him blah blah blah. She loves cuddling with him even though he is a block of ice. She loves the smell of his breath we are told over and over and over again (but um ew he's a 100 year old vampire who only drinks blood. Let's hope he has a good dental routine). That is the first 250 pages. Next the book actually started to get interesting...for awhile. Edward takes Bella with his family to show her how they play baseball it's super fast and the ball goes super far (a total rip off of Quidditch if you ask me). But suddenly other vampires appear. Bella is in danger cause she is human and they can smell her blood. What will happen? How will she get out of this one? Oh Edward saves her again.
Now they decide Bella must leave town. The book is coming to the end so it starts to pick up pace. Edward's family has hidden Bella in another town but her mother is in danger from the other vampires. She must go save her, only she could save her no one else. But she was tricked by the bad vampires. Her mom is safe in another town but they now have Bella. What will she do? How will she - oh *$#@ it, might as well skip these pages until Edward shows up-and there he is. Bella is saved, all is right with the world until you read the next book. There you go 400 pages condensed into 4 paragraphs. You can tell everyone you read the book!
The movie was actually on TV last week and decided to watch it to see if maybe I was a bit harsh in my opinion of the novel. Nope, movie was just as bad as the book.
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